Try Again Tower: Teaching Resilience at Age 2–3
Build and intentionally knock down a block tower, making 'try again' the ritual rather than the exception.
Why this matters at 2–3 years
Two to three year olds are deeply frustrated by things that don't work on the first attempt. They have a goal but limited skill. Building towers that fall — and celebrating the rebuild — teaches them that starting over is a skill, not a defeat.
Why this works
Carol Dweck's research on growth mindset shows that children develop resilient response patterns very early — and that these patterns are shaped primarily by how adults frame failure, not by the children's own temperament. 'Down — try again' is a complete lesson in growth mindset, condensed to four words. The tower is the medium; the framing is the teaching.
The Activity: The Try-Again Tower
Step by step · 15 minutes
- 1
Build a block tower together. When it falls (or knock it down together), say: 'Oh! It fell! Now what?'
- 2
Wait for their answer. If they reach for the blocks, say: 'Yes! Try again.'
- 3
Every time it falls, narrate with consistent energy: 'Down. Try again. That is how we get better.'
- 4
Build it one block higher than the last attempt each time — make progress visible.
- 5
When they walk away from frustration, validate: 'This is hard. Want to try one more time or take a break?'
What to watch for
- ✦They reach for the blocks after a fall without prompting — try-again is instinct forming.
- ✦They problem-solve: 'Big ones at bottom' — strategy is entering the picture.
- ✦They celebrate the fall as the prelude to the try: 'Down! Again!'
- ✦They apply the same language elsewhere: 'Try again' after something else fails.
What if it doesn't go perfectly?
Most activities need a few tries — here is what to do
- #1
If they get so frustrated they throw blocks, pause the activity — frustration has overloaded the system. Try again later, starting with fewer blocks so success comes faster.
- #2
If they only want to knock towers down (not build), join them: 'Okay — you knock, I build. Now switch.' Make both roles valid.
- #3
If they want to quit after one fall, say 'One more try — just one.' After that one, respect the stop. But plant the language.
Parents who tried this noticed
“Their child began saying 'try again' to themselves under their breath after failing at other tasks — a transferred phrase that the parent had not expected.”
“Instead of crying when the tower fell on day eight, the child immediately reached for the nearest block. The parent said they almost cried themselves.”
“The child tried to build a higher tower than the parent — competitiveness in the service of resilience.”
One question to ask
“'What makes the tower not fall? What do we need to change?'”
Parent note
Never build the tower for them after it falls. Your job is to stay interested, not to fix. 'Hmm. What do you think? Try something different?' is infinitely more powerful than showing them the right way.
Looking for a school that teaches resilience too?
The environment your child spends 6 hours in every day shapes values as much as what you do at home. Find schools that actively nurture character.
Related activities
My Hard Things Book
Make a small book of things your child has already done that were hard — to remind them of their own resilience track record.
Fall and Bounce
A simple tumbling-and-getting-up play routine that teaches babies that falling is not the end — getting up is.
Plant and Wait
Plant fast-growing seeds (cress, mung beans) with your child and observe them daily — nature's best patience teacher.